When Authors Attack A Beyblade Christmas
by Kinkajouu
Summary: A Christmas oneshot where some of fanfiction's fabulous authors get to see themselves as characters tormenting the people of Beyblade-dom! Oneshot, lots of humor, and lots of randomness!


- A Christmas oneshot where some of fanfiction's fabulous authors get to see themselves as characters tormenting the people of Beyblade-dom!

- Warnings: You will laugh so hard, that you may pee yourself. I suggest wearing incontinence knickers.

- Disclaimer: I won the cast of Beyblade not, and I own the authors not. Except myself. I do own myself.

- A/N: BELATED MERRY CHRIMBO!

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**When Authors Attack A Beyblade Christmas**

Max hummed happily as he shook a present that was addressed to him. He desperately wanted to open it, but Hilary had told he wasn't allowed until after their Christmas dinner. It was _so_ unfair. Tyson had already sneakily opened one of his presents!! So Max wanted to open one, too. If he just carefully peeled the Sellotape off…

"Max, I am watching you, you know. Put that present back under that tree."

Max scowled and pouted. He reluctantly put his present back under the tree, as Hilary watched on. Once it was safely back under the tree, Hilary walked back into the kitchen, and checked on the cooking vegetables and turkey. The turkey had been cooking since early that morning, but it still looked slightly undercooked.

Popping the turkey back in the oven, Hilary went to answer the door, as the doorbell had just rang. Just as she was about to open the front door, Tyson and Max peered over her shoulder.

"Are we expecting more people?" Tyson asked.

"Not really, Hilary replied.

"Well, everyone's already here, so who's on the other side of the door?" Max asked.

"I don't know, Max, because I haven't opened it yet."

"Open it, then!"

Hilary sighed, and did indeed open the door. She stared at the nine girls staring back at her. One of them was smoking a pipe, and was wearing a red jumper with a big Tai-Chi logo on the left boob. One had a rabbit on her head, and like the other seven, was wearing a blue jumper with the slogan 'Yaoi = MOAR!' on the front.

"May I help you?" Hilary asked politely.

"Yes… My name is MarianQ, and we've come to gatecrash your Christmas."

Hilary, Max and Tyson raised their eyebrows.

"MarianQ? What sort of name is that?" Tyson giggled.

"Not my real one, obviously."

"Is Kai and Tala here?" another one of the girls asked.

"Erm, yeah…" Hilary answered nervously.

"Oh, good! My name's OnlyNotReally, and I'm coming in to make them have gay sex and film it!"

OnlyNotReally barged past Hilary, Tyson and Max, and stormed upstairs to where she was sure she'd find Kai and Tala.

"Hey! You can't just walk in uninvited!" Hilary yelled after her.

"She just did," MarianQ said. "Now, are you going to let the rest of us in? It's bloody freezing out here."

"Are you Irish?" Max asked.

"I am," MarianQ replied.

"Wow."

"MarianQ's Irishness aside, we really do want to come in. It's cold, for crying out loud!" the girl with the rabbit on her head said.

Hilary couldn't help but stare at the rodent on the girl's head instead of letting everyone else in. The girl's eyes also looked upwards to the mass of grey fluff on her head.

"Ah, yes. This is Bam. He's mad. I'm Purple-Kissed-Wishes, by the way. PKW for short, though."

Hilary opened her mouth to say something, but PKW and MarianQ just grinned and shoved her, Max and Tyson out of the way so the rest of the girls could enter the house.

As the girls ran into the dining room, Kai, Ray and Lee all looked around, wondering where the girls had come from.

"OHMIGOD! IT'S KAI!"

"Oh no. Not fangirls. Anything but fangirls," Kai moaned as three of the fangirls nearly beheaded him when hugging him.

"I'm StZen!"

"I'm Iluvbeyblade!"

"I'm x-Black-Dranzer-x!"

"GET OFF OF ME!"

"NOOOOOO!"

Hilary and Tyson appeared at the door to the room, and watched on at the girls started creating mayhem.

"GUYS! I FOUND TALA! BUT HE'S NOT HAVING SEX WITH KAI!" OnlyNotReally shouted, barging past Hilary once again, dragging Tala into the room by his hair.

"Notthehair, notthehair, notthehair," Tala was repeating, trying desperately to get OnlyNotReally off of him.

"Ooooh, cupboard…" another of the girls said.

"There's nothing in there. Just my chocolate and stuff…" Max said. "What's your name, then?"

"pinball62."

"Why pinball62?"

"It's a long story…"

"… Ok."

"Chocolate and stuff you say? Can I have some?"

"Sure!"

Max opened the cupboard door, and pinball62 dived into the mountain of Wine Gums and Cadbury Flake Bars that Max had stashed away. In the dining room itself, the remaining eight girls were trying to force Tala onto Kai and make them have sexytime.

"We're not gay!" Kai yelled angrily.

"I am CrimsonShadowOfRegret, and I demand that you have sexytime. NOW."

"WHY DO YOU HAVE STUPID NAMES?!" Tyson roared.

"Because they're our _pennames_," MarianQ said, puffing smoke into Tyson' face.

"What sort of Christmas is this?" one of the girls who had not announced their name yet said, putting her hands on her hips. "You don't even have a turkey on the table!"

"Oh my God! The turkey!" Hilary said, running into the kitchen, remembering that she'd turned the heat up again.

"Ooooh, turkey," the girl said, running after Hilary with an evil look on her face.

"PKW, darling, this gate crashing of their Christmas is going fabulously," MarianQ said, puffing on her pipe.

"Isn't it just," PKW agreed, watching as the other girls were trying to force Kai and Tala to kiss.

"There's someone missing, though…" MarianQ said, looking thoughtful.

"… Who?"

"pinball62... I haven't seen her for at least five minutes."

"Maybe Max ate her?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Sorry."

PKW looked around, and saw that MarianQ was right. Pinball62 was nowhere in the room. Until…

"WINE GUMS!"

The door of the cupboard burst open, and everyone stopped to watch as pinball62 and Max started bouncing around the room, clearly sugar-high. Max zoomed over to the CD player, and put on a party CD. 'Macerena' was the first song to be played, and everyone began dancing along, much to Kai and Tala's relief.

"I GOT THE TURKEY!"

"GIVE ME THAT TURKEY BACK!"

"NOOOOO!"

"Oh my God! OrganicVoodoo, put the turkey down right now!" PKW yelled.

"OK!" OrganicVoodoo yelled back, and threw the very nearly cooked turkey at Tyson's head. Tyson just happened to be turning around at the time, and so the very large bird made contact with his face, and knocked him over.

"It's a triumph, darling," MarianQ said to no one in particular.

"I knew things were going to be mad, but this is just taking the piss," StZen said.

"I know. Isn't it fantastic?" MarianQ replied.

"MOOOOARRR SUGAAARRR!" Max roared, and charged up to MarianQ.

As Max ran he took his pointy party hat off and held it in his hand. As he ran up to MarianQ, his pointy party hat pierced her skin, and went through some vital organs, causing MarianQ to drop her pip, fall on the floor and bleed a lot.

"OH MY GOD! SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR! MARIANQ IS DYING!" StZen screamed, dropping to the floor to be by her friend.

"StZen, if I don't make it…" MarianQ croaked. "Can you make sure… That my pipe… Gets back to Ireland and sets fire to someone's beard?"

"Err…"

"Please?"

"… Ok?"

MarianQ smiled and looked at the pointy party hat that was abandoned on the floor next to her. She poked it. Purely because she could.

"PKW! Get a first aid kit!" StZen called to PKW.

"Why?"

"Because MarianQ is dying!"

"And how the Hell is a first aid kit going to help?"

"I don't know, just get one!"

"Are you sure she isn't playing a joke?"

"Yes! Max stabbed her with his hat!"

"…"

"Just get a first aid kit!"

"And what am I supposed to do with the first aid kit?!"

"SAVE HER LIFE!"

"HOW?! I'M NOT A FIRST-ADIER!"

"IMPROVISE THEN!"

"Dudes, please stop shouting at each other. I'm trying to die in peace, here," MarianQ croaked up at them.

As MarianQ lay dying next to StZen, and as PKW 'improvised' with the first aid kit, everyone else was still partying away, and generally being mad. x-Black-Dranzer-x was having a lovely little conversation with Lee.

"Soooooo…" x-Black-Dranzer-x began. "I hear you like to walk around naked?"

"Erm, actually… No."

"That's a lie. I know it is. You also have a mankini, correct?"

"Erm… No."

"That's also a lie."

"Why are you bothering to ask me these things when you disagree with my answer?"

"Because I, x-Black-Dranzer-x am always right."

"That's a lie."

"It is?"

"Yes."

"… Well, do you want some spam, then?"

Lee raised an eyebrow, and walked away from the spam-wielding loon that had been questioning him about nakedness and mankinis. Back with Tala and Kai, CrimsonShadowOfRegret, OnlyNotReally, and Iluvbeyblade were still trying to get the two boys to admit they were gay.

"We know you like cock," OnlyNotReally said.

"And we know you like each other's cock," CrimsonShadowOfRegret nodded.

"And we know that you two are GAY," Iluvbeyblade added.

"WE ARE NOT!" Tala shouted.

If Tala and Kai could have ran away, they would've. As it is, OnlyNotReally had found two sets of handcuffs from somewhere, and had them tied to two chairs. CrimsonShadowOfRegret pulled out a whip.

"Where the Hell are you getting all this stuff?" Kai asked, keeping his eyes trained on the whip.

"I magical pockets," CrimsonShadowOfRegret shrugged.

"Erm, come on, guys. Don't you think you should let those two go, now?" Ray asked nervously. He had been keeping out of the way for some time now.

"No."

"Well, they're not gay, so…"

"And how do you know this, little pussycat?" Iluvbeyblade asked, advancing on Ray. "Is it because YOU'RE gay with Kai?"

"Erm, no. I-"

"You're GAY with Tala?"

"No! I-"

"YOU LOVE BRYAN'S PENIS!"

"WILL YOU STOP ACCUSING EVERYONE OF BEING GAY!" Tala yelled

"No!"

"EVERYONE LISTEN!" StZen yelled.

Everyone in the room stopped being mad. Tala and Kai were stopped getting accused of being gay, pinball62 and Max stopped dancing to the 'Cha Cha Slide', Tyson stopped aiming the turkey at OrganicVoodoo, Hilary came out of hiding, and Lee stopped shuffling away from x-Black-Dranzer-x. They all turned to look at StZen.

"MarianQ… Has died!"

Everyone gasped.

"How?!" CrimsonShadowOfRegret asked.

"By a pointy party hat…"

"Seriously?" OnlyNotReally asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Seriously. You can come and look at it all yourself, if you want."

"What, come and look at MarianQ's body? No thank you."

"She was a friend," CrimsonShadowOfRegret said, bursting into tears.

"We must take her pipe back to Ireland… And set someone's beard on fire for her," StZen said.

The Beybladers raised their eyebrows.

"Does this mean you're leaving?" Tala asked.

"Indeed," PKW nodded.

"THANK GOD FOR THAT!" Tala yelled mercifully.

"Goodbye, then," Kai prompted, wanting for the girls to leave and be gone.

"We need to move the body," StZen said, looking down at MarianQ.

"CrimsonShadowOfRegret, Iluvbeyblade and OnlyNotReally… Un-handcuff your hostages, and make them carry MarianQ to the airport with us," PKW said, clicking her fingers.

"Don't you think people might notice if you carry a dead body on the plane?" Kai said, raising his eyebrow.

"Nah, we'll just say she's asleep," x-Black-Dranzer-x shrugged.

"Airports don't open on Christmas Day," Tala pointed out.

"They do for us, because we're special," OrganicVoodoo said

And so Tala and Kai were released. And they did indeed help carry MarianQ's body to the airport, if only just to get rid of the girls that had ruined their Christmas. As they all waved off the plane, the Beybladers breathed a sigh of relief, and returned to the house, to eat their Christmas dinner.

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A/N: Ok, most of it cropped up in random conversations I've had with a couple of the authors, so most of it may just well be random.

I thank OrganicVoodoo and MarianQ for some ideas. And CrimsonShadowOfRegret - because it was you who suggested asking some of the authors for ideas XD

And of course, I thank EVERYONE for wanting to be in this. I hope it's up to your expectations XD

I meant to upload it yesterday, but, eh…

I expect some spam, now!


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